Diary Entry:I wonder

It’s hard to walk the tightrope between victim and self-abuser, because a cutter is always a victim, and always an abuser. The world of cutters is twisted, hurting so bad that you want to cut, and then cutting so bad it causes you to hurt more. The physical pain is never the issue…it is like a tickle compared to the emotional pain inside. If only,if only someone could understand the torment inside your soul, if only they could erase the thoughts and feelings, if only….if only I didn’t feel so worthless. Can a cutter ever really be healed? If you want to cut, does that mean you are a cutter, or do you simply struggle with the need to cut? Can I ever be free? What if I don’t cut for 12 years and then I cut again? Am I a cutter? If I still struggle with the urges, how can I help others that cut? Or does my struggle help me to feel their pain? Cutting is different from other addictions like alcoholism or anorexia because people are horrified by self-mutilation. (©copyright 2005 )

I justed wanted

I just want to tel you that I wish things would of gone right and thatwe would of last longer but sometimes its for the best I just want to tell you that You were my evreything and now your nothing Nothing but a regret I just want to tell you sorry that;s the truth and that;s how i feel I hope i didn't hurt you I just want to tell you that you will be a part of me and always will be No matter what (© copyright 2005 )

Some Kind Of Wonderful

Some Kind of Wonderful you are your like my wish upon that star and your eyes full of passion in no orderly fashion do I convert my Lust into Love I don't know how your that some kind of wonderful i know it whack i was bored (© copyright 2005)

He was Only The Black Man

Standing on the corner trying to sell his dope Cops won't roll by this he hopes Hustling for survival Trying to beat rivals Making quick money Ain't sh*t about that funny? He is black man trying to make it Can't be stopped,naw, he won't take it Locked up once, he'll just try it again This is a game of cat and mouse, and he usually wins Slapping crack hoes when they stand him up The dope game ain't fair, it's too corrupt Ain't no point in trying to stop, this life treats him good The only way you can make it in this hard down hood Lil man over there he wanna be like him his gold chains and cars is all he sees This game will get you trapped like hell internally Trust him he knows, look at him B He's locked up serving time like 10 times 3 Selling dope? Broke down now he's selling soap Behind these metal bars feening for a smoke His life, man there's just no hope Got people screaming at him, Yo hood don't drop the soap. But through his eyes he realized he wasn't trying to survive Selling dope is not a way that'll keep you alive Get out when he old, can't get hired for a job The white man sees him as another ignorant slob Though the eyes, the eyes of a black man Trying to survive, trying to do what he can The white man ain't put him here He did it to himself He was on the corner, and dope he dealt Through the eyes, the eyes of a black man (copyright 2005)

The Kinda Person

I'm the kind of person who wants all to be happy who thinks of others before myself I'm the kind of person who loves everybody and always gets fuc*ed over no matter what I'm the kind of person who asks for forgiveness even if I'm not in the wrong I'm the kind of person who gives my whole heart only to get it broken in the end I'm the kind of person who looks happy on the outside but is crying on the inside.. I'm the kind of person that wont ask for help for fear that people will know the real me (© copyright 2005)

Some Say

Some say we were never meant to be They dont understand. But i want you to see all these thoughts inside my head And its all You and me, You and me i Want us to be and we'll let them see that we were meant to be (© copyright 2005 )

Caught

You tell me like i'm no one like if i never existed. You give mixed signals i get thrown and twisted. Caught in ya trap of desitful lies i cry cuz i write it over and over. It's never official i never even see you at ya window but then you come creeping on me though. It funny how i seem to stop myself in my head but my body still lingers to ya bed. Caught. We love as our mixed signals are thrown on the floor next to your shirt and ma skirt. All we think about is passion of the moment. Then it's all done. You run cuz you know you love me. Caught. In sexual attraction me it's the power of my love. You tell me like i'm no one like if i never existed then i get thrown and twisted. In my head you read but my body stilll lingers to ya bed. Caught (copyright© 2005)

Adam and Eve

*This Poem is not mine i just thought it was funny * After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman meant to him and how blessed he was to have her.Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful? God: So you will always want to look at her. Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft? God: So you will always want to touch her. Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good? God: So you will always want to be near her. Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid? God: So she would love you not mine......... (copyright © 2005 )

Forget How I feel

Would it be different if she never told you i had feeling for you would our friendship be normal would you not think i want more when i talk to you yes i do want more but for now i deal with the fact we are friends i try not to step over that mark and im sorry if i do if you would just talk to me about tell me where we stand i love so much i would do anything for you even if that means stepping back and forget how i feel ( © copyright 2005 )

Last Time

Last time you almost made me die. I tried, but I cried until I couldn't take it. So I found someone else to see if it could replace you. Then I realized no one could be you. No matter how much you, Hurt me, no matter how much you stomped on my heart, I still find a way to love you. I can Look past all that and still think this is always the beginning of an end. But it still hurts that you fooled me but I can still love you. My friends tell me I can find better. But my heart and head settles for less. You. (©copyright 2005 )

Grow Up?

Don't wanna grow up..don't wanna cry..Sick 0f all the reas0ns ..the reason's 0f life..Just wanna be young away From all the heart ache away From the whyz...don't wanna m0v3 0n just wanna stay young hid3n away..b3hid3 the fairytales all the littl3 laught3r all the smil3z..don't wanna 2 d3al with this...Just w4nna be fr33 From all lif3s blish (© copyright 2005 )

Sconex Mike

The Beauty of Women/Girls (for ladies..dudes could read if yall wont but.. it aint for yall) Mike: women are tha most beautiful creatures on tha earth...no in tha universe. without women we would not be here today and i get nervous if im in a place where i c no chicks at wat so eva. and women help keep peace between dudes its alot we should thank our girls for that we dont cuz i kno if it wasnt for a couple of my girls that i went out wit and some of my female friends i would b at tha bottom of my game and i woulda probably been in jail (i love yall)...from their sexy hair natural or permed..down to their sparklin eyes, sexi lips, beautiful smile and all tha other features that makes them shine where ever they are black, white, brown, yellow, purple, green wateva u wanna say, woman are one of gods greatest gifts.....the ability to carry a baby inside of them for 9 months shows how strong they really are cuz i wouldnt b carry one of them in me n then gotta push that big azz head out...thats real strength..so to all my ladies out there i love yall and stay strong dont let no dude put u down or make u question urself your beauty runs farther than u think it does -- posted on Aug 6, 2005 "I just wish most men believed in women like this instead of a piece of shyt and ladies don't let no one especially guys put you down cuz we know how to handle" (©copyright 2005 )

I don't no wht I don't know How

I don't know why i feel like this every time you pass by i get nervous theres a feeling in my stomach and i cant seem to know what it is but the feeling is really special and something so sacred something that i will always treasure forever and ever because its the thing you will always make me feel its the thing that i will always have to deal and i want to thank you because you make me feel so real (© copyright 2005 )