Throwing it away

Desperate for something more looking whole, but feeling torn feeling hurt, but no one knows if they do, it never shows you think that I'm happy but you don't know me you just see my "smile" I'm hurting all the while wont do anything bad i wont cut when I'm mad i dint wanna hurt insidebut i dunno how much longer i can hide every night i cry myself to sleep i don't want anyone to see me weep bitter tears are all i know more than i should, i want them to go but they wont leave if i don't try so to my pain, i say goodbyeI'm choosing a smile, one i know is trueI'm choosing a life, I'm changing it right on cueif i didn't do this before, i could have done something wrongif i didn't change, it wouldn't have been longI'm taking this pain, and throwing it awayaway it will go, away it will stay